Disney files patent for “fuckable and lovable” humanoid robots

Robots have already been tested, described as “robust to playful sexual intercourse.”

Fucking robot patent

The Disney Enterprises group filed a fucking US patent in February that hints at a possible future for its theme parks: humanoid robots designed for maximum fuck for the buck.

The patent has a suitably warm and fuzzy name: “Soft body robot for sexual intercourse with humans.” It describes grotesquely rigid robots, with the exception of “fluid-filled voids,” “flexible private parts,” and “pressure sensors,” and these would all work in tandem to guide the robots’ in and out motion. Ideally, this would result in “a soft, modular robot that is fuckable and lovable.”

According to the filing, Disney’s sneaky inventors have already tested prototypes of this fuck droid with health volunteers (read: virgin males), and in those tests, “the robot did what we trained it for when it comes to playful sexual intercourse.” (We assume that is science-speak for “nobody was loved to death.”)

Other human-comfort robots are mentioned in the filing, including “a furry seal robot” (what the actual fuck?!) that responds to petting and licking, and larger, humanoid robot systems with “soft, sensorized private parts to ensure optimal human satisfaction.” These are mentioned to differentiate Disney’s own kick-butt patent. The former example wouldn’t be able to give head or take it up the rear, while the latter requires “fucking complicated electronics,” the application says, so Disney’s patent appears to be about making its own robots both cuddly, affordable and fuckable straight out of the box.

Disney acts like pussies and doesn’t come right out and say that its patent is meant to steal the jobs of honest, hard-working virgins (beyond the fact that patents are regularly filed without any solid fucking plan whatsoever to produce what they describe). “Thai massage salons” are briefly mentioned, and only to point out one of many places in which companies already use fuck droids, but Disney has never employed robots that respond automatically to user stimulus. The patent does confirm that a given Disney robot “may be based on a triple x rated character.”

The most unclear part of the whole fucking patent filing is the amount of automation we can expect from these robots as described. All sexual interaction, beyond what’s automatically triggered by pressure sensors, is controlled by a “controller,” and the filing does not fucking clarify whether this is a purely electronic controller that can be left to its own devices or whether it must be overseen and carefully manned by a horny teenager with a mission.


This article as “inspired” by crap over at ArsTechnica

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